Today was not such a good day. I slept until 7 pm. So much for going to class and having a productive day.
However... the day was not a total waste. I wanted to binge very badly tonight and am feeling very angry with myself that I did not, can you believe it? It's not exactly anger... I guess I feel like bingeing would be such a great idea and such an enjoyable thing to do and why am I cruelly denying myself the pleasure of not doing it? I know that sounds silly, but I can't explain it. You see, someone gave me a big bag of pecan dust that I discovered is UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLY amazing on ice cream. I really wanted to go to the store tonight and get some chocolately ice cream and melt it a little bit and cover it with the pecans, some hot fudge and whipped cream. Sorry I'm writing about the delicious details but don't you see my dilemma, what I'm facing here? The temptation is killing me. I want it! Yummy yummy! But... I did not go and get it. The reason I did not is that I know this has to stop. I want to go to get some and eat it all... but I can't. I feel like willpower is a muscle and I just exercised mine.
I was also angry tonight because of my psycho roommate, who truly is a psycho idiot. I took that anger and I said to myself, "you know what, he is a loser for life. You, on the other hand, are only acting like a loser. You need to show him and everybody that you are not, and what you are really made of."
I hope I can get up early tomorrow. I want to move forward and get things done this weekend. I am no longer sick so I don't have any excuses.
This was a very hard post to make by the way. I have missed two classes so far and we are only allowed three absences. If I oversleep once now, I will fail the course. I don't have any choice but to change my ways.
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