Well I am improving but it's not quite as easy as I imagine it will be. After exercising the first few days last week I didn't do anything! I ate OK I suppose but I've had a few slipups. I know it's time to change and I've got to rearrange and move my heart to what I'm gonna be (sha na na na na na na, sha na na na na na!) but it's SO damn hard.
My sleep is still beyond fucked up. That is really hurting my weight loss, I know. If you don't sleep enough or consistently your body can't metabolize worth shit. One person I know takes Lunesta and loves it. Yesterday (Monday) I slept till 5 p.m. 5! I was awake until about 4 a.m. I think... so I haven't gone to bed yet. I'm drinking a bunch of Diet Mountain Dew right now to try to make it through the day and then go to bed at a normal hour.
I'm really stressed about my weight. Nothing fits. I don't hate myself though. It's just shocking me when I see pictures. I don't know why, when I look in the mirror, I look half the size I really am. Only in photos can I see the real me and it's just AWFUL.
signed,
sad me
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Yay for me
I exercised again on Tuesday - I walked and rode the bike. I also did 10 minutes on the elliptical, but my back didn't feel too good afterward and I think it could be from that. My back has been pain-free now for months so any kind of feeling there freaks me out a bit.
I will continue with walking. I also need to get some new shoes. Did I mention my shin splints? Oy vey.
I've been eating OK. The Prozac immediately kills my cravings when I go on it. Unfortunately it doesn't last.
I think I'm going to expand this site this summer. Make it more of a portal. What do you think?
I will continue with walking. I also need to get some new shoes. Did I mention my shin splints? Oy vey.
I've been eating OK. The Prozac immediately kills my cravings when I go on it. Unfortunately it doesn't last.
I think I'm going to expand this site this summer. Make it more of a portal. What do you think?
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
exercised again!
Already I feel better and more upbeat emotionally. My feet are killing me with blisters... ouch.... and I have shin splints just from walking! I used to get them when I ran but now it's just from walking because I'm so out of shape. I have to stop every once in awhile because the pain is so bad.
Oh well despite that it's still enjoyable. I have a pretty good attitude about it because it's so nice to be able to exercise at all. My back is not hurting at all, knock on wood.
eating is already better too though I'm back on the Prozac and that is like 70 percent of eating well for me.
Oh well despite that it's still enjoyable. I have a pretty good attitude about it because it's so nice to be able to exercise at all. My back is not hurting at all, knock on wood.
eating is already better too though I'm back on the Prozac and that is like 70 percent of eating well for me.
Monday, May 05, 2008
it begins AGAIN
Well here I go again: I'm starting today to eat healthy and exercise. This is probably my 10,000 attempt at this but what else can I do? I am massive, and I don't mean that in a delusional eating disorder view. I'm around 250 lbs. I've never been this big and it's scary. Not only is it scary how instantly I got this big when I stopped working out, but it's scary to be this size. Sometime just standing up and walking across the room leaves me winded. Ugh!!! That's what I'm talking about: scary.
So today I started walking. Actually on Saturday night I walked to the movies, which is 1.3 miles there and back. Today I walked to work, which is about 1 mile away. I'm already getting blisters. My back doesn't hurt at all, but my knees and feet do.
I feel like working out a LOT but it is frustrating how out of shape I am. Today I will also ride the bike.
I don't know how to feel. My size is very depressing. I saw a picture of myself and it was frightening how massive I am. I almost cried. But at the same time I'm hopeful because I have all summer to enjoy getting back into shape. I haven't been working out because I've had a second job (which involved sitting at the computer snacking) but now that's over for the summer and I have more time.
I also started taking Prozac again which I hope will help me stop bingeing.
I still want to get the Lap-Band by the way. But I think I need to lose 25-50 lbs on my own first, or else I will have really saggy skin. I really have a fat stomach and I never really had that before. It's awful.
So today I started walking. Actually on Saturday night I walked to the movies, which is 1.3 miles there and back. Today I walked to work, which is about 1 mile away. I'm already getting blisters. My back doesn't hurt at all, but my knees and feet do.
I feel like working out a LOT but it is frustrating how out of shape I am. Today I will also ride the bike.
I don't know how to feel. My size is very depressing. I saw a picture of myself and it was frightening how massive I am. I almost cried. But at the same time I'm hopeful because I have all summer to enjoy getting back into shape. I haven't been working out because I've had a second job (which involved sitting at the computer snacking) but now that's over for the summer and I have more time.
I also started taking Prozac again which I hope will help me stop bingeing.
I still want to get the Lap-Band by the way. But I think I need to lose 25-50 lbs on my own first, or else I will have really saggy skin. I really have a fat stomach and I never really had that before. It's awful.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
you can only do your best
I haven't been doing my best... Why is it I keep forgetting that binging is a waste of time and harmful to my goal of losing weight? I keep excusing this behavior and saying I'll stop tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes.
just once I would like to do my best...
love to your all
just once I would like to do my best...
love to your all
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