Well I am improving but it's not quite as easy as I imagine it will be. After exercising the first few days last week I didn't do anything! I ate OK I suppose but I've had a few slipups. I know it's time to change and I've got to rearrange and move my heart to what I'm gonna be (sha na na na na na na, sha na na na na na!) but it's SO damn hard.
My sleep is still beyond fucked up. That is really hurting my weight loss, I know. If you don't sleep enough or consistently your body can't metabolize worth shit. One person I know takes Lunesta and loves it. Yesterday (Monday) I slept till 5 p.m. 5! I was awake until about 4 a.m. I think... so I haven't gone to bed yet. I'm drinking a bunch of Diet Mountain Dew right now to try to make it through the day and then go to bed at a normal hour.
I'm really stressed about my weight. Nothing fits. I don't hate myself though. It's just shocking me when I see pictures. I don't know why, when I look in the mirror, I look half the size I really am. Only in photos can I see the real me and it's just AWFUL.
signed,
sad me
4 comments:
hi...i'm from portugal and today i'm having a bad day... so , i started looking for someone or something that could understood what i feel. i found you. tks for the blog. the good thing is that tomorrow is another day and my hope starts within every sunrise.
have a nice day and remember: you're not alone at all.
filipa
I just found this while looking for info about stopping bulimia...is this a diary of your struggles with your eating disorder? After 14 years of bulimia I am proud to say I have not indulged in the act for over 6 months now. This was/is the hardest thing I have ever done. The moment I feel good about my self in any way, the disorder comes back with vengeance and tells me what it thinks my worth is. This is a daily struggle. sometimes it is better and some times it is worse, but nothing over the last 6 months have been as bad as having a stomach gorged with food and a toilet for my only outlet. My heat goes out to you and anyone who has been inflicted with this disease. It is truly a waking nightmare.
Good to see support and hope for those who seek it.
Hello...I live in CA and although I go through my daily bulimic routine, I want so badly to express my want to help those bulimics in a "worse" state of the disease. I am not perfect--obviously, however, I am a distant humanitarian in the want to help (or talk to) those who may be in more need than I. I have realized that I share in this disease that is "tolerable" in society, yet anguishing to the "self" when there are times of solidarity. I'm not "above" anyone. AND I am not trying to "master" this Awful disease. Disease...I'm still not used to this term. I Still do not know how this term was ever accepted or applied to me. I still suffer and I believe that THIS thing (disease) is not ever overcome...but I DO Believe--one that CAN be managed.
hi mandy. change is indeed hard, but you're not alone.
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