11 months bulimia free, are you effing kidding me?

I can't believe I'm writing these words... Since November 2008, the soul-sucking disease known as bulimia nervosa has not been a part of my life.

I wish I could describe to you the elation I feel each day, the happiness I have in every moment. Not that life is perfect. Over the past 11 months, there have been times I've been down, I've been exhausted, I've been sobbing, or even times I've been overeating, but yet it's like night and day from my previous life.

I don't know how I could call it a life even... it was death.

I'm not saying I'm cured. If my Lap-Band was taken out, I think I would return to bingeing and purging withing weeks if not days. There have been times it's gotten loose or I've gotten used to the tension and I've been able to overeat. Even though I was only able to eat a fraction of what I used to, the same old euphoria accompanied my overeating. But I've learned that's the sign it's time for the band to be tightened again. (I've had it tightened or filled three times.) And as soon as it is, voila, my interest in overeating disappears. It's literally a switch that is being shut off in my brain somehow: my brain is able to understand it's full.

I haven't lost a ton of weight yet but I'm on my way. I'm down almost 40 lbs and have about 100 to go. It's been slow but I think that's good.

I still get so many comments on this blog from people out there who are suffering, most alone. I wish I could help you. Not all of you may be overweight or even interested in Lap-Band, but I hope you can learn from my experience. Bulimia and overeating are are NOT mental or psychological disorders. They are signs of a physical sickness, something out of whack with the brain and digestive system. I'm sure there are different causes but the problem is the same.

People with eating disorders, YOU ARE PHYSICALLY ILL. You are not weak with no self control. You are not too lazy to stick to a diet. You are not a freak. Maybe you have problems relating to other people, can't balance your check book and can't dance, but none of those changes the very real facts: You have a medical disease and you need medical treatment.

I want to write a book to tell my story and share this very real truth with the world.

Please take care of yourselves, and start demanding the best possible health care and treatment out there.

love,
Amanda

A new chapter

I'm working on my book proposal and query... if anyone knows a great literary agent, please let me know. I've picked a few I am going to send my query to but would love some suggestions.

Life is amazing. Even with life's struggles like work and school, every day I'm happier and healthier than the day before.

Fuck you, bulimia - I'm done with you forever. You can do it too - do whatever it takes to get rid of it so you can begin living. My path isn't for everyone but is worth considering if you are where I was.

Finally, bulimia free

I'm free from the evil soul-sucking cancer known as bulimia.

I can't remember the last time I threw up. I've had a few spit ups ("productive burps" in LapBand talk) but throwing up is no longer a part of my life. Bingeing is no longer a part of my life. I did have two cookies two days ago and got a sugar rush off it, but it was like 1 percent of a full binge.

After 24 years of abnormal, unhealthy eating, I can finally say: I eat like a normal person. I can take food or leave it. There was cake at the office the other day and I had no interest in it. Before, I would have taken a large piece, snuck another later and then been totally preoccupied the whole day wondering how much more cake was left and when I could go get some more unnoticed.

To say I'm happy is the understatement of the century. I simply am living life to the fullest. It's amazing how free I am now to truly live my life. My mind is sharp and I can think about the things I need to talk about.

Maybe LapBand isn't going to work for everybody, but my experience PROVES that this disease is PHYSICAL. It is NOT a mental weakness! My bulimia was cured not by therapy, willpower, medication, a new diet or self-help books. It was cured by a medical procedure that changed my stomach. My stomach always thinks I'm full, and therefore, my brain no longer thinks I'm starving. It stopped sending out the signals to eat, eat, eat and fill up that stomach.

Life is amazing. I am so happy to be alive.

Everybody keep reminding yourself that what you're dealing with is a medical problem, not a mental one. Good luck and love to you all.

A new year, a new me

I am doing very well, still adjusting to this band. I had my first fill (tightening) on Thursday. Since then I've only been able to eat a small amount of food slowly. It's truly a different world for me, where throwing up will not be a part.

This blog needs to morph alongside me as I live a new life with my gastric band. I think I will expand the blog outward to a different kind of site that offers help and support for people with bulimia. What do you think?

I would love to hear some suggestions on creating a site that can help struggling bulimics. A place for news on bulimia and treatment. I know there are many bulimia blogs, and listing every blog would be a service. Maybe a message board too.

What do you think?