I am sick!

OK, I feel like complete crap and I know now there is something physically wrong with me. I'm not sleeping right, my head hurts, my stomach hurts, I'm achy and completely exhausted. And you know what, I think I've felt this way all along! Like, for years!

I suspect the only reason I know I feel this bad now is because I had that period after the gallbladder flush where I did *NOT* feel this way.

I just feel nasty and I refuse to believe this is all in my head and that I am afraid to get better or whatever. I do believe it has something to do with my liver... So I'm still doing that one-day detox. I realized I'm going to be out of town next weekend so I can't do the detox then, I'll do it next Monday instead. So my seven days of pre-detox starts today.

The only hard part of the pre-detox is no caffeine... yikes! I'm so tired.

back to detox

So I'm going to try to do some more detoxing... I felt so incredible after that first liver/gallbladder flush, and I feel so shitty in comparison. I have no doubt my whole digestive system is fucked up, and I think cleaning my liver is the key.

I bought a book called Fast Track Detox by Ann Louise Gittleman, who wrote the Fat Flush Plan. I wanted to buy that one but it was twice as expensive (hard cover) and I am broke for a few more days until payday. I figured I might as well start with the one-day plan.

It's a one-day detox but you have to do seven days of preparation first, where you eat foods that help your liver and colon. Broccoli, apples, citrus, flaxseed oil etc. No milk or alcohol which shouldn't be too hard, but no caffeine either. I've been enjoying coffee in the morning but I'll have to give it up. I'm starting tomorrow. I feel like crap!!!!

Anyway, I'm reading the book and it's fascinating. She talks about how the foods we eat have been so screwed up with added chemicals and hormones that our bodies' internal weight management system is out of balance and causes us to overeat and always feel hungry... exactly what I suspect is going on with me. Everybody go buy this book!!! Or at least go to the bookstore and sit down and read it.

I'll report back in the next week about how it goes. Lots of love...

still feel like crud

I think I'm getting my period. I can't believe how low I feel. This sucks. My next $150 goes to refilling my Seasonale prescription. Fuck this!!!

frustration...

I'm overeating and purging and I don't know why... I'm not really bingeing, just overeating at mealtime. What is going on? What's wrong with me? God I suck.

when it's time to change, you've got to rearrange...

...move your heart to what you're gonna be!

I'm thinking I need to change this blog a bit. I feel like I've moved past the day-to-day bulimia struggle and my new efforts are on healing my body through nutrition and fitness. I think I need a new design for this site.

Of course I'm still not cured, but I feel much different. All my slipups are caused by not eating or eating processed foods. By the way I also tried soda for the first time since Christmas - I could not even finish a small glass! It tasted like poisoned syrup.

Speaking of nasty, last week I tried to do the apple juice fast again. I did three days of only apple juice but each day I had a bowl of chicken noodle soup for dinner because I was starving. Anyway, when it came time to drink the oil on the third night, I couldn't do it! I started drinking it and immediately threw it up! I think it reminded me of how disgusting I felt after I drank it last time. Luckily I was in the kitchen and next to the sink. I guess the fast is a one-time thing because I'm sure I can never get pure olive oil down again. Yuck!

My next thought is to do a small intestine cleanse. I read about this product, Okra-Pepsin-E3, and how it cleans the junk stuck to your intestinal walls that may be preventing nutrients from being absorbed.

Here is a link to the article: Cleansing The Small Intestine

Hope you're all welling!

love
Mandy

this is still hard

I realize I got caught up into thinking I was "cured" and "fixed." Maybe I will never be fixed. It really did get much easier... but this apple juice fast is hard!!! I'm starving! I want Chinese food so badly!

It was much easier the first time, probably because I was laying around the house (because of my back) and not doing much physically. Now I'm running around and I feel like I am going to faint. Maybe I should start tomorrow? See that is the crap in my head.

You have to read this article about procrastination... it's totally me:

I impulsively procrastinate

OK I'm going to drink the rest of this apple juice and if I still feel dizzy I'll get some real food.

Wow, still welling.

Sorry I haven't posted lately. The past few weeks have been really exciting... There has been no up and down, it's just been "normal" which is anything but normal for me. I've been feeling fantastic, but not quite as fantastic as before my Christmas junk-food marathon. Today was not a good day. I distinctly felt like "how I did before." It was a physical feeling. So I've decided to do another gallbladder flush... they say you should do a few to get all your gallstones out.

I've started working a bit on my book, jotting down ideas. Mostly I'm trying to think of things that I wish I had known a long time ago. I've never been more convinced that bingeing/bulimia is a result of a physical state the brain/body is in. I wish someone had told me that.

I'm thinking of changing this site a bit and making it more of a portal for information about bulimia and scientific studies and all that... Here is an interesting one:

Bulimia Tied to Sex Hormone

I hope you all are welling! :-D