sorry I haven't been posting... it's the last week of my summer school course and I'm working triple overtime to pass it. I've been awake forever and a year.
I keep thinking about my book, my purpose and all that. I am still serious about it. I need to write a book for myself, even if it sucks ass and never gets published.
My broken is brain.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
it's time for a big fat freak out
I decided to weigh myself this morning just to check. 203... 203... 203... What the hell? I have not been over 200 in like three years.
I want to work out so much but I have absolutely no energy... this heat wave is killing me!!! It's like 110 every day. It's 90 even at midnight.
Not only that but the person staying with me left to go home this morning. She was just here visiting for a few months. Now I am living by myself again which means I will be BORED and LONELY and I will COOK and BAKE and BINGE and PURGE in a never ending cycle of wasted time and money.
I don't know what to do. I'm so exhausted.
I want to work out so much but I have absolutely no energy... this heat wave is killing me!!! It's like 110 every day. It's 90 even at midnight.
Not only that but the person staying with me left to go home this morning. She was just here visiting for a few months. Now I am living by myself again which means I will be BORED and LONELY and I will COOK and BAKE and BINGE and PURGE in a never ending cycle of wasted time and money.
I don't know what to do. I'm so exhausted.
Monday, July 17, 2006
bulimia is good... at ruining your life
I saw that you've had bulimia for quite awhile. Have you had any really bad side effects?
To answer this question, I've decided to do a rundown of what bulimia does to your body as found on www.helpguide.org and whether or not I've experienced it. Actually these are called complications and not side effects.
* an imbalance in electrolytes...CHECK
* inflammation of the esophagus, salivary glands, and jaw...CHECK
* problems with teeth, gums, and lips...CHECK
* chronic irregular bowel movements due to abusive laxatives...NO
* feelings of shame and guilt...CHECK
* depression...CHECK
* low self-esteem...CHECK
* damaged family and social relationships...CHECK
I've had all of these except for the laxative ones b/c I've never abused those.
Would you like to see my teeth? I can probably spit them out and mail them to you. I don't have dental insurance and can't afford to see a dentist.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
flavored water rocks my socks off!!!
Have you tried any fruit-flavored waters? They are SOOOO yummy! I am hooked on Dasani Raspberry. The weather resembles the surface of the sun and I'm REALLY trying to avoid diet soda in the afternoons... and I don't like drinking regular water when I'm not working out or eating. I'm so glad modern technology allows them to flavor water in this excellent manner. It's so COLD and refreshing and takes away my thirsties!
It also has ZERO calories which means it's probably full of something that will cause cancer. You'd think it would have like, 5 calories. However, my thirst is quenched and I'm not up all night.
Anyway I'm having a good week. I've had two good days of eating. I wish it were cooler so I could at least go for a walk, but it's seriously an oven out, even at midnight.
I'm sleepy... and it's only 12:15 am! yay for caffeine-free afternoons!
It also has ZERO calories which means it's probably full of something that will cause cancer. You'd think it would have like, 5 calories. However, my thirst is quenched and I'm not up all night.
Anyway I'm having a good week. I've had two good days of eating. I wish it were cooler so I could at least go for a walk, but it's seriously an oven out, even at midnight.
I'm sleepy... and it's only 12:15 am! yay for caffeine-free afternoons!
Saturday, July 08, 2006
I've decided to come out of the closet
No I'm not gay (though that would probably be easier to admit on national television). I've been invited on a talk show to talk about being bulimic. I hesitated for about 10 seconds and then I decided to go for it! What the hell, why not? Most people around me either know I have some sort of eating problem (or suspect it) anyway.
The show is called the Dr. Keith Ablow show and it is coming out in syndication this fall. I haven't spoken with him yet but I've heard and read positive things about him. Unlike Dr. Phil, he is a real psychiatrist. He is interested in helping people and not putting on a freak show. I did an interview with someone else at the show about my life story. I have a feeling that this could definitely be a turning point in my life (if I allow it).
I was contacted about this by Michelle Hope, who some of you may know from her blog. She is trying to find other people willing to go on the show with us. Is anyone else out there interested in going on the show? We need more people to make it happen.
Personally, I'm tired of hiding and being ashamed and feeling alone in this. There are millions of strugglers yet we all feel alone. How can this be? It's because we're all hiding in our own closets, where nobody can see what we do and judge us, but also nobody can reach in and help us either.
We need to come out in the open. Think of the famous people who have had the balls to come out and admit their bulimia. Princess Diana, Paula Abdul, Felicity Huffman, Elton John and most recently Katharine McPhee from American Idol. They are 100,000 times more in the public eye than any of us, and this admission hardly ruined them.
Remember how I talked about needing courage and not strength to recover? We need to be courageous in our fight to escape this disorder.
Contact me or Michelle Hope if you want to be on the show or at least are considering it.
Dr. Keith Ablow Show
Vive la revolución!!!
The show is called the Dr. Keith Ablow show and it is coming out in syndication this fall. I haven't spoken with him yet but I've heard and read positive things about him. Unlike Dr. Phil, he is a real psychiatrist. He is interested in helping people and not putting on a freak show. I did an interview with someone else at the show about my life story. I have a feeling that this could definitely be a turning point in my life (if I allow it).
I was contacted about this by Michelle Hope, who some of you may know from her blog. She is trying to find other people willing to go on the show with us. Is anyone else out there interested in going on the show? We need more people to make it happen.
Personally, I'm tired of hiding and being ashamed and feeling alone in this. There are millions of strugglers yet we all feel alone. How can this be? It's because we're all hiding in our own closets, where nobody can see what we do and judge us, but also nobody can reach in and help us either.
We need to come out in the open. Think of the famous people who have had the balls to come out and admit their bulimia. Princess Diana, Paula Abdul, Felicity Huffman, Elton John and most recently Katharine McPhee from American Idol. They are 100,000 times more in the public eye than any of us, and this admission hardly ruined them.
Remember how I talked about needing courage and not strength to recover? We need to be courageous in our fight to escape this disorder.
Contact me or Michelle Hope if you want to be on the show or at least are considering it.
Dr. Keith Ablow Show
Vive la revolución!!!
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