I got my LAP-BAND almost three weeks ago.
I've lost 20 lbs in one month, which includes the pre-op diet for two weeks.
The pre-op diet was hell. I was starving and could eat only 750 calories a day. It was torturous BUT I DID IT.
The first week after being banded I was hardly hungry. A little broth and I was full. It was AMAZING! For the first time in my life, or as long as I can remember, I DID NOT THINK OR CARE OR OBSESS OR FEEL ABOUT FOOD. It was just, oh, I have to eat something. My mind was so clear.
For me, hunger is the enemy. It's always been the enemy with me.
The hunger has come back a little bit, but not so much where I am even thinking about bingeing. It is a different kind of hunger.
After about six weeks I can get the band filled, or tightened. Right now it is just on, but it's not really restricting my eating all that much. When they get it tightened just right, then I should hopefully feel like I did that first week.
I know that within a year I should be at my ideal weight. It is very exciting to know that, but also it's a bit scary. The most exciting part is knowing I can be happy with how I look on the outside. Maybe not perfect, but good enough that I feel it's worthwhile to do my hair, or makeup, or put on nice clothes. I've put on makeup twice in the past six months, and one of the times was to get my pre-operation photos taken!
I look at Fantasy Man Him and I am reminded again how much time I've wasted in my life. I have not been living but merely suffering as I fail to meet his expectations of perfection. I look at him and think, this man is not right for me at all. The more I come to know myself, the more I understand that. And I also remind myself that trying to live up to this WRONG PERSON has contributed enormously to my unhappiness and low self-worth. I'm not even going to write that maybe I have pegged him wrong and he will be right for me one day, as tempting as it is to still dream of that. Fucker.
I'm sure there are some people who think getting the Lap-Band was wrong, but I don't care. I know it was right for me. I am not some underweight anorexic but severely overweight - I need to lose at least 100 lbs. I needed this physical intervention as I gained more and more weight. It's not going to be easy, but I know that it will make it easier than it would have been.
love from me
