So I was seriously thinking about getting a Lap-Band. I'm officially fat enough and I even signed up for an informational seminar next week. Lap-Bands are like gastric bypass surgery except they don't do any cutting or bypassing, they just put a band around your stomach so it squeezes the top part into a little mini stomach. Then you can only eat a few bites until you're full.
I'm just not sure. It just seems like cheating. It wouldn't solve my problems with food. I would be so ashamed about it too. But if I was full after a few bites, wouldn't that help me not binge?
I don't know. I'm getting desperate. This morning I was totally convinced exercise and proper diet was the only to lose weight and that it IS still possible, but tonight as I write these words I am thinking that it all has to end. Maybe this would help me.
I really, really wish I had a guy who wanted to kiss me. Who wanted to hold my hand in public and have the whole world see.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Sunday, April 08, 2007
this is not how I envisioned my life
first off, I'm drunk.
secondly, I'm so fat.
I'm sorry I haven't written in so long. Do you know how hard it is to type this when you're as drunk as I am?
I've been doing pretty poorly. One good thing is that I started on the BC pills again. I went to Unplanned Parenthood and lied my ass off to get them. I told them I was having all sorts of sex. I even checked off "iin a long term relationship." Yeah with my hand! hah! But it's alot cheaper, $20 per month vs $140 for three months for the Seasonale. Anyway I think the pills are making me super de[ressed.Thatis not good. DId I mention I'm drunk...... We had an easter Party andI Drank somuch. I even danced with my sweet crush. He turned so fast I almost got dizzy.
YOu know whatis awesome? Law & Order: Criminal Intent. It's super awesome. It should be bottled and sold as an awesome energy drink.
i"m so incredibly fat. as I was saying, I started working out and lost a few pounds but now I"m feeling depressed probably because of the MFing homornal birth control pills.
I think I will be alone forever. Nobody has written asking where I've been so I guess that means nobody misses me.
............... it hurts, I wish i iknew if i loved hiim or if it is infatuation
I'm sorry
secondly, I'm so fat.
I'm sorry I haven't written in so long. Do you know how hard it is to type this when you're as drunk as I am?
I've been doing pretty poorly. One good thing is that I started on the BC pills again. I went to Unplanned Parenthood and lied my ass off to get them. I told them I was having all sorts of sex. I even checked off "iin a long term relationship." Yeah with my hand! hah! But it's alot cheaper, $20 per month vs $140 for three months for the Seasonale. Anyway I think the pills are making me super de[ressed.Thatis not good. DId I mention I'm drunk...... We had an easter Party andI Drank somuch. I even danced with my sweet crush. He turned so fast I almost got dizzy.
YOu know whatis awesome? Law & Order: Criminal Intent. It's super awesome. It should be bottled and sold as an awesome energy drink.
i"m so incredibly fat. as I was saying, I started working out and lost a few pounds but now I"m feeling depressed probably because of the MFing homornal birth control pills.
I think I will be alone forever. Nobody has written asking where I've been so I guess that means nobody misses me.
............... it hurts, I wish i iknew if i loved hiim or if it is infatuation
I'm sorry
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