stepping up

I went to step class again tonight and I nearly dropped dead. This was a different class with a different instructor. The one on Tuesday had more work with other equipment (medicine ball, weights, weight bar, etc) whereas this one was just nonstop cardio. I also put the step bench on one row of steps to make it a bit harder, and it was so intense. The class was so fast and I was lost half the time. If it was too complicated I would just stop and do the basic step up and down.

This time I wore my glasses and I could see myself in the mirror. I was blind and now I see: I look terrible. I felt like a whale in that class, though of course I don't care what the other people think about me. It is so odd because I know I've gained weight since the fall, but I always look the same to myself regardless. Only in pictures can I see how I look realistically, and I don't take pictures that often. But in the big mirror I could see myself I think because I had so many other people to compare myself to. It felt like a punch in the face because I looked so bad, but I don't want to feel bad so I can just move forward.

Anyway the class was so hard and frustrating but it's ok because it was my first one. 30 min in I almost quit but I stuck with it. Fortunately it was only 45 min of step and then we did stretching and abs... I was still kind of pumped up so I rode the bike for 35 min at a moderate pace.

I was sooo hungry and during the class my mind was wandering to Chinese food buffet, can you believe it? I went straight to Subway and got something decent yet quick for dinner.

I hope for another good day tomorrow. I love the feeling of working out. It was really what I was missing.

PS I added another blog to my list of links: Mata Hari Mom. She has had her ED for 20 years! Please support her recovery effort too.