I EXERCISED!
I walked to work and back today and rode the stationary bike (slowly) for 30 min. Hooray! It's a start.
Tonight when I came home I was soooo hungry. I almost went and binged tonight but I didn't. I wanted Chinese food soooo badly... but I went to Subway instead. I really was this close, and the only thing that stopped me was that I knew I would have to come on here and write that I messed up DAY ONE!
Michelle Hope mentioned me in her blog and I had a whole bunch of new visitors today from her site. My popularity is on the rise!
3 comments:
Hi Mandy! It's late, and I was just about to log off when I decided to check you out-referred by "tortured", i.e, Jane. I read just your last two entries, and I want to keep reading and go back, but no time until tomorrow. Just wanted to say one important thing: I am only on day 7. That is, day 7 is almost over. I've had this god-awful, life sucking disease on my back for what seems like FOREVER. Well, actually, consistently, for 9.5 years. I'm so sick of it, and I'm hanging on to "sobriety" for dear life. I am going to follow you. I can relate to the feeling that I cannot go onto my blog, and after this many days say "oops", even though every one of you would understand, and Michelle Hope would say "so what, doesn't mean your failing!".
I won't start writing a book , but desperately want to say: Hang in there, and be one of those who helps me hang in there too...Lots of love. More later.
http://thestruggle.blog-city.com, or from "tortured", Miss Blue.
PS: I just created an account with blogspot because it was the only way to leave you this comment:)!However, the link I just gave you up there is the only one I blog on.
Hi Mandy,
I just read all of your blog entries, and understand you a little bit better than last night:). I'm a little concerned that while you are wanting to be in recovery, you are still saying things like "I HAVE to be thin" by this or that deadline. As we all know, not only is this kind of talk an almost guarantee of failure (too much pressure!=b/p), but it would mean that you are not really "recovering". I understand very much your desire to be thin, but what all of us need to focus on is getting healthier (-er being the key part of that word)and just focusing on that. The rest follows naturally. Don't give yourself a deadline, and don't make your goal about someone, or something else. Remember that ultimately, you are not doing this for your birthday, or your friends' wedding. You are doing it for you.
You know, I used to be overweight. I can tell you that exercise makes more of an impact than you would ever imagine. I know how hard it is to get started, and keep it up. I used to hate it. But one day-over 11 years ago-I had just had it with being overweight and obsessed with thinness. I'd had it with my ED, and said that if it killed me, I was going to do it. AND, I was going to start by running. I hated running with a passion, but put my music on and started by walking, running, walking, running, dying, but staying out there for 45 minutes even if I only ran for a total of 3 minutes of it. I still remember the very first time I was able to run for 5 minutes straight. It was such a victory for me. Then for some reason I remember the day very shortly after that, when I made it to 17 minutes. As my confidence grew, and my soreness got better, I quickly progressed. Within 3-4 months, running (jogging)for 45-50 minutes straight was a 4-5 time a week habit I couldn't live without because it made me feel so good. Not to mention the fact that I used to think that people who ran were somehow just born with that talent because I could not imagine how they did it. It never occurred to me that every runner has their first 5 minutes. That every biker has their first mile, every yogi has their first downward dog pose! I kept it up. Rain or shine. Outside, inside, wherever. IN fact, to this day, if I don't exercise for 3 or more days, my back hurts, I feel down, I have no energy, and get headaches. I swear! I lost my excess pounds in 4 months or so, while I watched what I ate. It was after this period in my life that I actually started getting really bad with my ED- for myriad speculative reasons. We won't go there right now.
Whenever I'm feelng lazy, I remember those Nike commercials. "JUST DO IT". I repeat that phrase over and over in my mind. I also try to schedule workouts to a time when I wouldn't be doing anything else productive anyways, which means that I try to do it first thing in the morning. It's such a high to have it out of the way, and know that I did something good for myself. I strongly believe that part of what has been my saving grace, healthwise, during these last many years of b/p, was the fact that I still ate some healthy things, never played with laxatives or diuretics, and more importantly, kept exercising.
These days I have a more diverse repertoire of activites, and I'm concerned with also keeping my muscles healthy with pilates, small weights etc.
Nutrition wise...It's interesting how our perspectives are different. I wish I could start off with, "today was a good day except that I had a cookie..." or some phrase similar to that, like you. Instead, my entry would be "well today I blew it because I had a cookie". I think I had a bad day if I eat even one bite of a "bad" food. Even if the rest of my day was filled with fish, salad and fruit. Your attitude is so much healthier, I think. Try to get more sleep, and be more regular. Sleeping too much AND too little makes you fat, and tired. Continue eating veggies, remember lean proteins. Protein at breakfast especially. On days that I'm not bad, I eat all of these things, even though I struggle with worrying that I'm still eating too much. I do nonetheless, and intellectually, know that I'm doing the right things. Please try to avoid the chips and cookies, at least for the majority of your days, but most of all TRUST ME-once you start exercising regularly (give it two weeks before you decide never to trust me again!)you will feel better about yourself, and you will want to eat healthier. It will be natural.
I am on day 8. I am having a very hard time, but I'm beginning to see that 1. I am not getting fat becaue I have been eating and not b/p, RATHER, 2. I am getting leaner because I have started losing all the bloat that comes with b/p, and my skin looks better, face looks better... By the way, your picture is beautiful:) Believe it!
thank you for the great comments... I meant to reply earlier. You are very right, my focus should be on getting healthier. But how can I balance this with my dream of being thin... That is difficult to do.
Post a Comment