I am completely ruining my life and this bullshit recovery that is supposedly around the corner. I am all ready to change and so inspired to get better and start working out and sleeping and eating normally and everything regular people do. And yet here I am at 5 am, having slept yesterday until 6 pm because I was up until 3 am for two days in a row. WHY am I so lost... I'm ready to change and not be this way, but it's like I'm fighting myself. It seems like I'm subconsciously digging in my heels and resisting the very thing I truly want and need to do.
I just don't know why I am this way. Part of the reason I wanted to start this blog because I thought I would be all inspiring to the world by documenting my recovery. Well I'm sucking and the worst part is I don't get it.
what is it going to take to change?
I'm sad.
well I am staying up all night and I will try to go through the day and be tired by the time I should go to bed tonight.
1 comment:
i'm seriously having a moment here...so much of what you say is what's run through my mind, too. i don't get why i continue to do what i do, either. i, too, started a blog to try and document my recovery...but got frustrated and stopped writing for a good long while. good for you for continuing!
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