...or that I was saying looks were the only thing that matter to me. Of course that's not true at all!
I had a pretty good day today. I was not very hungry. I really thought to myself: what I will accomplish by bingeing, and more specifically, what will it take to make me satisfied? How much is enough? The answer is that it's never enough. There's always more food to be eaten. I can eat nonstop for the rest of my life and there will still be more food.
I cannot sleep. I am so stressed out... well, I will blog more later. Thank you for all the support. I am so happy people like to read my thoughts.
2 comments:
I just happened to find your blog because I have been struggling off and on again with bulimia, but I think I'm finally done...best wishes to you as you seek your recovery.
You were honest and absolutely right about looks mattering a great deal. Of course it shouldn't be that way, and it hurts us to focus on looks, but even if we can stop obsessing over them, other people in the world will often interact w/ us based on our looks. You said that if you didn't care so much about losing weight, you woulldn't still be bulimic. It is a habit now. Even after we learn to stop using it as a coping mechanism, there is still the urge every day just to do it embedded inside us. Don't you just get the urge to do it sometimes.
I hope you do lose weight, but more importantly, I hope you can give your body nutrients it needs and stop the damage that was done. I didn't start losing until 2 yrs ago, and lost over 30lbs. So now that I weigh around 105, I should be releived and thrilled. Hopefully you are stronger and can realize that no matter how much you lose, it won't change how you truly feel about yourself. I can say that I look good in most clothes, but its never good enough, and I don't like myself AT ALL. The bulimia didn't get better when I lost, so I hope you can see that losing weight may not be the key to your recovery.
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