So I was thinking today about how I always beat myself up for not having the strength and willpower to stop eating, to get better and to basically do the things I want to do. Maybe it's not that I can't find the strength inside myself. Maybe what I really need is the courage to move forward. So it's not that I can't do it, but that I am just stalling, too afraid. Have I thought this all before? Sometimes I think I am plagiarizing from myself.Anyway it reminds me of one of my very favorites South Park episodes... titled, "You Got Fucked in the Ass!" when Chef informs the dance crew that they suck.
You have the heart, but you don't have the soul. Wait a minute... you have the soul, but you don't have the heart. Hold on a second... you have both the heart and the soul, but you don't have the talent.
I'm still looking for more answers as to HOW (see my last post) if anyone has any.
5 comments:
heehee, it's funny that you like southpark. i can hardly watch one episode, but i do like my Family Guy, so it's not like my southpark abstinence is out of maturity or anything. ok, yeah, i liked what shakti had to say in the comments for your last post. reading helps me stay calm, have perspective, etc., and reading about other people and experiences helps get me out of my head. but reading IS distinct from the concrete steps and behaviors that are needed to... to regain normalcy. Intuitive Eating has a lot of good practical, simple steps and tools, though, so i still recommend that one. a few more relevant ideas:
- keep a food log (maybe you already do this) with 2 columns - one for intake/purging/exercise, and one for emotions and thoughts at the time. it sounded pointless to me, but i ended up seeing patterns with both food and thoughts/feelings.
- try to eat every 3 or 4 hours, to reestablish hunger/satiety cues rather than staying in the cycle of restricting/binging/purging
- forgive. it's not the end of the world. recovery - LIFE - is not a linear path.
i hope this list is more practical than my last one. - kinda embarrassed =)
p.s. i want to read YOUR book when it's finished! =)
Hey Mandy.
I would really like to talk with you personally about something. An opportunity came up for me today, and I think you might be perfect for it as well. And, it could be a really good thing for you.
Please write me back at michelle@michellehope.org and leave me your phone number or email address.
Hi, I know I can't help much because I'm in the same boat, too. But, maybe a few tacky postcards from my road trip would make you feel a little better? If so, just email me your address. :) mixedupconfusion@gmail.com
Mandy
Hi I know you have spoken with Michelle as I have I would love to talk with you about the plan. You can write my blog or my email krobert055@aol.com
Thanks
KAren
I do exactly the same thing.
I'm a big fan of CBT. Are you in CBT therapy?
It's not about strength. It's not about forgiveness. It's about changing your knee-jerk thoughts that come when you make a choice.
The tools that I have learned the past 18 months in CBT have been so much help. I can break the cycle that used to suck me down into a the eating disorder.
My blog is at http://www.oaktrees.org/blog/ If you click on the Eating Disorder category on the left (scroll down if you use explorer - I don't know if I've fixed that yet), you can browse my eating disorder posts. I've posted several of my thought records. The password to the password protected on is "password".
If you want to chat, drop me a line.
Sending support,
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