forgiveness

(Did any of you see that movie, "Just Friends" with Amy Smart and Ryan Reynolds? I can't stand Ryan Reynolds and I could have written a funnier script, but the best part was the Jessica Simpson-ish no-talent pop star character. Hilarious! Anyone she had this song called "Forgiveness" that was such a riot. I had to mention that as soon I wrote the subject for this post.)

I am realizing I have to forgive myself for what I've done if I have any chance of moving forward.

This is what I need to forgive myself for...

1. being hopelessly single
2. being fat
3. being broke
4. being in debt/bad credit
5. living where I live
6. not having a degree yet
7. having stretch marks from being a fat kid
8. having a messy room/car/office
9. being depressed
10. being all these things at almost 30!!!!

I found this great poem on the SF forum. They have a forum called "The Other Side" where people who have actually recovered post.

I am ME, I am not my ED!

I stood before the Mirror...
gazing,imagining,percieving.
I looked into my eyes,
And they were dead.

I thought about myself
but only saw bulimia
I thought about my personality
but only saw bulimia

Bulimia said to me:
I can make you beautiful
I gazed into the mirror again,
No, I didnt look beautiful.

Bulimia said to me:
You will be so popular
I gazed into the mirror again
And saw the hospital bed behind me

Bulimia said to me:
You will be so happy
I gazed into the mirror
And saw my medication in a cup

Bulimia said to me:
Let me join you
I can become you
And you can become me!

I gazed into the mirror
And thought about the tears,
about my helpless friends,
and angry family.

I gazed into the mirror,
feeling more alone than before
sitting on my bed
in a lonely hospital room.

I gazed into the mirror,
And suddenly I cracked
A fire lit inside
And I decided to fight back.

I said to bulimia:
You promised me beauty,
Bulimia looked shocked
And all I got was paler

I said to bulimia:
You promised me popularity
Bulimia looked scared
And all I got was a turned back

I said to bulimia:
You promised me happiness
Bulimia recoiled in horror
And all I got were these tears on my cheeks.

I said to bulimia:
You said we'd join together
Bulimia nooded knowingly
But there was only you, and no more me!

I turned away from the mirror
refusing to look anymore
Bulimia stayed in the mirror
And I walked out the door.

Today I decided
To leave it all behind
I am no longer Bulimia
Instead I am ME!