I started reading "Bulimia: A Guide to Recovery" by Lindsey Hall & Leigh Cohn again. It is the only book about bulimia I've ever read that actually makes sense. I got it about two years ago. Anyway I just started reading it again... In the back there is a two-week guide to stop bingeing. The whole idea fills me with immediate... FEAR. I just can't imagine giving up bulimia. I mean, say it's gone and I don't have an eating disorder. What the fuck will I do then? Who will I be then?
I still want to binge. I'm so bored. I guess I will just sit here and read and have more deep thoughts.
2 comments:
You, my dear,
... have got quite the talent for humor. That you are able to successfully mix opposites (tragedy and humor for example) is a rare, rare talent. I'm envious! Woman, this is good stuff! AND you ARE beautiful. You ARE.
I quote:
• Hmph. Well if you haven't figured it out by now, bulimia is bad. Maybe I will change the name of this blog to Bulimia Sucks Ass to avoid confusion.
• Actually really I don't have a spare $100 or whatever vibrators cost. Maybe I should stage a celebrity benefit to raise money. VibeAID 2006.
• I think I deserve someone who is dying to kiss me, don't you?
• Would you like to see my teeth? I can probably spit them out and mail them to you.
• Then my scale said something it never did before: LO. I think I need a new battery unless it's to be continued and it spells SER tomorrow...
I work with several people raised in cultures other than this superficially obsessive American one. One young woman got me thinking about you. Aysha is 29 (like you), beautiful (like you), big-breasted and large-hipped and in nearly a year of working with this young woman I never got the impression she was anything but happy with her body. She loves to cook, she loves to eat. She's also from Italy. She's also a little bitchy and a little arrogant—a well-developed sense of her own value, shall we say.
So, I was thinking ... you might consider living abroad, in Europe. Say, France, Italy or Spain (NOT New Zealand or South Africa). Maybe a culture shock and the resulting shift in perspective would feel more comfortable, more healthy, more accepting, more loving. Maybe, living in an environment where they sleep late, eat late, enjoy life and express that joy for each other openly might enable you to feel great about who you are, and would then induce any number of naturally positive outcomes for you.
Mandy, I do hope you continue this blog. And I do applaud your tenacity, your courage, and your honesty.
Let's work on that self-acceptance a little, shall we?
Peace-out,
Lee
yeah, i get anxiety attacks and BINGE just at the thought of stopping binge/purging forever... it's like, b/ping is a coping mechanism for me, like how people turn to alcohol etc
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