I'm doing an apple fast where I eat only apples for three days. Years ago I actually signed up for a medical weight loss with a friend and the first thing the doctor had us do was do an apple fast. It's not so hard because apples have pectin which makes you feel full. Then when it's done you're hardly hungry at all and it's easier to eat small meals.Well I feel terrible today. I stayed up studying for my exam the whole night. I think I did OK, much better than my last exam, but after the test I looked up three of the answers I wasn't sure about and I got them all wrong! dammit! and then I was so beat that I went back to bed and missed work... boss called and I ignored the call and went back to sleep. I feel great about myself... not.
To answer the question left by Disoriented... no, I don't think this terribleness of mine has to do with my crush. At least, not directly. This morning when I came home from school I was lying in bed and my head was spinning because I was so exhausted, and I thought about him and how much I DON'T like him. How is it that after all these years of friendship I do not feel close to him at all. When I was laying there I started getting angry and thinking how I want to confront him that I WISH he could be the man I needed. But he cannot and it's not my failure but his. I shouldn't be so mean to him because he is so so so so sweet and gentle, but I don't feel close to him. He is happy 24-7 but never lets his guard down and is never emotionally vulnerable like people are from time to time... but again it's not his fault. I have just built him up into this god and I am just tired of it all. And when I was laying there thinking this I was thinking how I'm goddamn starving for love and affection and this could be contributing to my overeating. I actually almost cried thinking this... and I never cry over myself. Sad movies, yes, but no tears for real life.
By the way I look terrible and feel terrible. I should have weighed myself this morning just to see. The good thing is that I don't have my period! Yay Seasonale!
2 comments:
I know exactly how you feel, love = food, food = love.
Good luck on the apple diet. You can do it. Drink lots of water to stay full...my weakest point is I'll go ana for a week, then mia rears her ugly head. I'm going to try drinking flavored water (regular gets so boring) and see if that cuts off mia once and for all.
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