I just got home. I am sitting here with my cats. It is the first time all day I have felt love. They love me so much, they love me no matter what.
I am crying and it feels so good. It feels so good to cry.
I hurt. I really hurt.
I am angry at other people but I am angry at myself. I need to get angry at myself to change. There is a whole world out there for me.
I've really been struggling, struggling to find answers as to who I am and what I do... and why I do things I don't need to do and why I don't do things I need to do.
I am looking for the answers to so many questions. I don't know what is right and how to feel.
I need to start thinking practically. They say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step...
God help me.
4 comments:
Welcome back Mandy!
Your single step began the moment you felt that love. Keep feeling, keep thinking and people will be here for you. x x x
I hope you start feeling better.
I've read almost your entire blog and it's inspired me to start my own about my own problems. It's called Trich and me.
I don't know how the hell to search on blogger. It's weird.
Anyways, check it out if you can.
I'll keep reading yours and hoping for the best.
Good luck!
L
Hi Mandy,
I just came across your blog. I don't have any answers for you, but I'll offer you this quotation below and tell you that you will be in my thoughts. I believe in you.
"I beg you... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything, live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
-Rainer Maria Rilke (From _Letters to a Young Poet_)
*hugs* Thanks for sharing. I've just started reading your blog but I like the way you are so honest about your problems and struggles. Things will get better. By the way I've added you to my blogroll. I hope that's ok.
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