I didn't sleep at all on Sunday night and was super stressed out all day Monday. You know when you're sleep deprived and it's kind of like a dream? I was really mad and resentful... but the weirdest thing happened. I woke up on Tuesday morning feeling fantastic. All my anger was gone and I didn't care anymore! It was like everything came into focus. I see now I was stubbornly refusing to fix my problems and change. Changing my life was absolutely not going to happen. Now I feel like like it is absolutely not NOT going to happen!
I was spending so much time thinking about what people think about me and being accepted... being good enough. And resenting everybody for my unhappiness. When I woke up... all that was gone! I don't care what people think! I totally don't care!
How did this happen? I don't know except I'm guessing I blew an overloaded fuse. I really think you do have to let go, but I don't know how to tell you guys to do that. I think you have to start caring less about other people and allow yourself to imagine life without them. You realize other people are living their lives and you are not and what that truly means.
Ok, I also think the combo of uninterrupted Prozac and Seasonale is having its impact. You can't heal a broken bone without a cast to stabilize it.
1 comment:
Wow, you sound very independent and optimistic about yourself right now. Sometimes catching up on missed sleep and consistent medicine does wonders. I ran out and have been barely making it lately, crying, wanting to quit. Yet another reminder for you to be smart and stay on the meds.
You say food was the most exciting thing for you? I can relate, it's the most enjoyable activity in my sad opinion. To make exercise exciting, I always liked looking at the guys in the gym, or going somewhere I knew other fit people were working out, for motivation. I know your college has a gym, you could try that. Good luck!
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