I started my two-week pre-op diet Saturday. I am supposed to lose 5 percent of my body weight by eating about 800-900 calories a day. The first two days were OK but today I was so, so, hungry. I didn't cheat but I just felt so panicked by the hunger. For the past year I have eaten exactly what I wanted and I haven't been hungry at all. But now by Nov. 21 I have to be down 13 lbs or they won't do the surgery.
Right now I am under massive stress from five sources: my first job, my second job, my classes, my back pain and now this diet. I did something I never do: cry. I came home in the middle of the day and cried for about an hour about what a mess my life is and why I am in this situation. And then I slept for an hour after and felt much better.
Right now I have to work harder than I ever had in my life. That scares me. I'm scared of hard work. I don't hate hard work, I am just scared. I get behind in things and then dig myself into a hole and then I just get so overwhelmed I lose all ability to function.
is there a name for that?
5 comments:
Hi Mandy,
I have just stumbled across your blog, and I want to say that I think you are awesome.
You are awesome because you have the strength to share your raw deal with the whole world and don't mind anyone reading it.
I am 33, and also a sufferer of b/p. Many of your notes struck me blind. Sometimes I think I am totally alone and to blame for everything I do to myself. But the thing is, it isn't me. And I just have to keep reminding myself of that, and try to be aware as possible.
Love is the all prevailent cure.
L. :)
I'm here to help anyone who needs support. Thank you for sharing your story and strength with the world Mandy. If anyone is looking for counseling or advice on bulimia you can find me at http://www.intuitivebody.com/index.php.
Lisa Briggs
Counselor
http://www.intuitivebody.com/index.php
ooh, yeah, i know what the word is! its "human"! hang in there, babe...
I wish you could help me stop. I stopped cutting. I use purging to feel commer, but I'm not sure.. how it is even possible to stop.
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